Lately I have been shaking my head at the news, baffled by each new headline, and asking myself the existential question, “Why?” Now seemed like an appropriate time to compile these Facebook posts from #Summer16 into a blog. We have the find laughter in the ludacrisy – always.
Amidst all the animosity in politics right now, I would like to commence a week long series I like to call: mutually agreeable presidential candidates. I will start with my personal first choice, Dwight Kurt Schrute.
Qualifications: tenacity, hatred of funny business, affinity for beet culture, and ability to also be Belschnickel.
In my second installment of Mutually Agreeable Presidential Candidates, I nominate a well-known underdog: Gretchen Weiners. You might be thinking, “What? Why not Regina?” Well, because being the underdog teaches you humility and work ethic. Let’s face it, she would work relentlessly to please our country, and her dad, the founder of Toaster Strudel.
Qualifications: weird hairline, inability to keep secrets, presidential sense of style, and the out-of-the-box thinking that brought us “Fetch.”
In my third installment of Mutually Agreeable Presidential Candidates, I nominate an already renowned, fearless, and resilient leader: Ron Burgundy. He knows the power of hard work – from being a major news anchorman to being fired from Seaworld, nothing has been able to hinder his spirits. A true working horse and maverick, Ron would redefine what it means to be the example of power and the power of example. Naturally his running mate would be his life-saving counterpart, Baxter.
Qualifications: recovered from blindness, squad goals, lack of a filter, and a killer ‘stache
In my fourth installment of mutually agreeable presidential candidates, I nominate a true Phoenix, someone who has risen from countless couture ashes: Blair Waldorf. She can operate takedowns, secret missions, and spy work like no other. She works smarter, not harder, and despite her genuine awfulness, we can’t help but love her. She is something that so few of us can say: unapologetically herself. And let’s be real, Chuck Bass would be the most amazing first man.
Qualifications: dated royalty, powerful connections, networking to the nines, and straight feline status.
In my fifth installment I nominate a very intelligent, gorgeous, and geeky young lad: Dr. Spencer Reid. He would definitely be the first president with a PH.D. in a century and an incurable lack of social finesse. But what he lacks in social skills he makes up for with insatiable charm. Also known as Pretty Boy, Spence has the knowledge and tact to successfully run the country as he runs his cases: efficiently and whilst spewing random facts at the speed of sound.
In my second to last installment of Mutually Agreeable Presidential Candidates, I nominate my personal role model and true shero: Rory Gilmore. She would like have the highest IQ of every president combined not to mention the endless witty banter. With the mentorship of Cristiane Amanpour, there is no mountain too high for Ms. Gilmore. Naturally Lorelai would live with her and they could open a Starbucks roastery in the White House front lawn. A duo for the ages; a dynasty for the books.
In my final installment of Mutually Agreeable Presidential candidates, I nominate a man who need no introduction nor explanation, but for which I will provide both. He’s insatiably jolly and joyful. People are always excitedly awaiting his arrival, even though he only graces us with an appearance once a year. And let it be known, he can always decipher between naughty and nice. Yes, it is my all-time best friend and mentor in spirit: The one, the only, Santa Claus.
Thank you for entertaining me in this week long escapade of ranting about my favorite fictional characters (who realistically would not be half-bad presidents.)
Comment your top pick, whether or not I included them!
Oh, also, 218 days till Christmas