My dream last night describes it better than I ever could. It felt so real.

I dreamt that I was on a run and you caught up to me. We didn’t run together. But you asked me why I suddenly disappeared from your life. I ran ahead.

We lost each other and I stopped by a beach. I started looking over all my teaching materials that happened to be there. And then I went in the water. What I was looking for I couldn’t tell you. But I was searching desperately, swimming out a few hundred yards, and still couldn’t find it. So I came back to shallow water and collapsed in tears.

You appeared again, walking into the water to check on me. I looked up and in a tone of total defeat, told you how deeply I cared for you, but that I didn’t know what to do.

You told me that you wanted to be with me and then gave me a promise ring. You said, “Someday, somewhere, I promise I will find my way back to you. Right now we are chasing our dreams. As much as we want to chase each other, we couldn’t do both.

You stayed with me in the water; you couldn’t leave and I couldn’t let you go. And that was it. The dream was over.

I woke up at 4:42 am and felt so incredibly sad.

You were home all week and we did not exchanged a word. I couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry that I disappeared. But the thought of seeing you come and go again hurt too much.

When you left last December, I was so so sad. It didn’t feel fair. We had just fallen for each other and now you had to leave. And it wasn’t that I just liked you or was interested in you; I truly and genuinely wanted to be with you.

For what it’s worth, I truly care for you and wish you the best, Sean. I wish you were here. 

I just want to run together.