From The Girl Who Would Take it All Back

December 17, 2014.

I don’t necessarily owe you this letter or explanation, but I think you deserve to know the truth. If you had asked me five years ago if I ever thought I would be the “other woman”, I would have laughed so hard—because that’s not who I am, and that’s not who I want to be, but for a brief period last summer, that is exactly who I was. I don’t know you very well, I actually don’t know you at all, but I do know that if I were in your position, I would want an apology. I don’t know if you got one from your boyfriend, but here is one from me.

I’m sorry you have been put in this position. I’m sorry I got drunk with your boyfriend.–that was not appropriate and I should have known better. I’m sorry I got so defensive of him. Yes, he was my best friend before you were in the picture, but he was still your boyfriend. I’m sorry I let him kiss me, and that I kissed him back. I’m sorry I let him continuously lie to you to be with me. I’m sorry that he said he was going to break up with you to be with me, but instead continued to toy with both of us. I’m sorry I slept with him. I’m sorry that he never cared enough to tell you the whole story. I haven’t talked to him, but I know that if you knew the truth, you wouldn’t be with him still. I’m sorry that I lost your respect. I never wanted to be your enemy.

At first I wasn’t sorry. I felt like the victim and I was extremely hurt. But in retrospect, it is my deepest regret….because I am just as much at fault. I lost my best friend, and you lost an honorable relationship. I wish I could tell all you this and so much more, but I have to look out for myself, and I can’t afford to get sucked back in to that world. I am finally at a good place in my life and I need this to stay in my past. I just want you to know how deeply sorry I am for my part in this mistake. I only wish you had the strength and clarity to know you deserve so much better than this…